I hate the whole “DNI” (“do not interact”) thing. I don’t like telling people what to do. I certainly don’t like making it other people’s job to figure out that I don’t want to talk to them, when I can do that myself by just not talking to them (or muting/blocking/etc. as necessary). Over the course of my life, there’s maybe five people who I’ve told to never speak to me again, and if you happen to be one of them, then yes, please do not interact. Otherwise, do what you want.
However, the flip-side of that is there’s some categories of people I choose not to interact with. Or usually do: Another problem with the “do not interact” logic is that it’s categorical. Maybe I feel I have something to gain from having a conversation with someone I’d usually ignore, or think I have a chance to change someone’s mind; if so my hands shouldn’t be tied by my own past categorical statement. Plus, sometimes I might be obliged to interact with someone because I have a conflicting commitment, e.g. being a moderator or administrator somewhere. Still, for the most part, if you interact with me, I will probably not interact back any more than strictly necessary if:
- Your political identity is built around taking away other people’s rights.
- You seem more interested in policing how queer people talk about their own queerness than in resisting anti-queer oppression.
- You seem more interested in complaining about good people/organizations not being good enough for your standards than in doing anything about bad people/organizations.
- You spread hearsay or rumors about people in your community, try to make other people’s lives worse because they inconvenience you or disagree with you, or otherwise contribute to harassment or bullying. See also “Everyone’s anti-harassment till they have a reason to harass someone“. This is the big one; if you see I’ve unfollowed you and can’t figure out why, check if you’ve reposted any callout posts lately.
- You have a DNI list that includes any subset of the LGBTQ community based on how they describe themselves or what consensual activities they engage in, buys in to any anti-queer moral panics, or otherwise cannot be readily distinguished from that of an anti-queer activist.
This page mostly just exists so I can politely point someone to it if they ask why I haven’t responded to them.